


Inevitable

by Tamyou



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Asexual Awareness Week, Asexual Character, Awkward Sexual Situations, Disgustingly sweet, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Sexual Frustration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2018-04-27 04:20:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5033518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tamyou/pseuds/Tamyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I find sex... repulsing. I've never even touched myself, never imagined others." The first time they met, Kurogane knew his life - as he knew it - was over. His name was Fai.</p>
<p>Or</p>
<p>AU in which Fai is a sex-repulsed Asexual and Kurogane is in for more than he bargained for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So here I am with a first Tsubasa fanfic. Was written both as a need to write down what it feels like to be a sex-repulsed asexual to me - frustrations, disgust, a desire for love despite everything - and a need to do something for my little invisible community. I hope this helps raise awareness a little bit. I wrote this from kurogane's point of view even though it is Fai who is Asexual in this, in hopes to capture both sides and show that an asexual/sexual relationship is possible. Call me a sucker for romance and fairytales, I wouldn't argue :)
> 
> Also, Kurogane is not that much detached from his feelings like he is in the manga, since this is a college AU and he didn't have to go through all the shit he had to in the original plot, and Fai still has a brother, so less angst in that department as well. I hope I did well enough under those circumstances.
> 
> This is a multi-chapter, and there are two more chapters I'm gonna upload during this week.
> 
> Written for 2015 Asexual Awareness Week.
> 
> I own nothing.

The first time they met, Kurogane knew his life - as he knew it - was over.

He used to work at a music shop, a part-time job, just enough to cover his expenses while he studied - hard, mind you - to get his desired degree. He was going to become a professional photographer. Kurogane always felt more natural behind the camera than in front of it. He was an observer, silent and still.

It was in the middle of the afternoon on a very boring day that his life took the sharpest turn, and without a warning and unknowingly to him, took the first step in turning his world upside down. The shop was quiet and nearly empty at the time aside from Kurogane, who was busying himself with polishing the handles of the guitars they held on display across the wall behind the counter. He hummed to himself lowly a strange tune as his hand swiped the soft cloth over the smooth wooden surface. The bell above the doorway jingled, reminding Kurogane of one of those old black and white TV shows, and letting him know a customer had entered the shop. The humming stopped, and Kurogane looked up from the dark brown handle he was wiping, only half-interested.

And his breath stuck in his throat.

A blond young man - only a couple of years younger than him by the look of it - stepped silently inside, dazzling blue eyes meeting red and a soft smile spreading over his pale lips upon seeing the grumpy shopkeeper. He didn't say a word, and just simply wandered around in the store as quietly as cat, long and slender fingers running over the surface of one white grand piano that stood at the back of the shop. Kurogane wanted to ask if he needed some help, but the words refused to come out as his pulse sped up and instead he averted his eyes with a deep frown and an urge to kick himself, returning to his work on polishing the guitars with somewhat sharper movements.

After a while, the blond was gone.

* * *

He came there again that very same week, and the week after, and after, until it became something of a habit that Kurogane started waiting for eagerly, just to see him again. He never bought anything, and only repeated the same ordeal over and over again. Entering, observing, smiling softly whenever he caught Kurogane's eye, and leaving without saying a single word.

Eventually Kurogane got really tired of it and of what it did to him every time he saw the guy. It was both pissing him off for having such a huge effect on him and for making his heart beat faster, frustrating and exciting at the same time. He couldn't concentrate on anything when the man was around, and when he wasn't, Kurogane kept thinking about him and his stupid smile and wishing he'd come back.

So he decided. The next time he sees him, he'd ask him out.

* * *

He said yes.

His name was Fai, he told him with a soft, charming smile, resting his elbow over the counter as he leaned forwards a little - so close it made Kurogane's mouth feel dry, as if it was stuffed with cotton - the bluest blue of his eyes pulling Kurogane in, drowning him.

Fai D. Fluorite.

He had no idea what the D stood for, but one thing was sure - that guy was a witch, Kurogane decided. Definitely a witch. Nothing else could explain the way Fai D. Flourite made him feel. His voice was as soft as his smile, melodious and gentle, with a slow, feathery pace that made Kurogane all warm inside and made his throat go dry. He was an art junior, he told him. Going to the same college Kurogane went to, and this was his first semester, and his first time away from a twin brother, he said fondly with a look of longing in his sky-blue eyes, that looked just like him.

They decided to meet again that weekend. And when Fai left, Kurogane could only wish that Friday would hurry up and come faster.

* * *

The date went perfectly and smoothly, mostly thanks to Fai's constant and light chatter, as Kurogane was too occupied with keeping his heartbeats under control. Kurogane found out that Fai had a great sense of humor and a surprising strength of character, mistakenly hidden behind his delicate appearance. They ate a light meal in a nice coffee shop Fai knew, and honestly Kurogane couldn't for the life of him remember what he had to eat that evening. He was too busy staring.

They grabbed some ice cream on their way out, Kurogane's chocolate one dripping down his arm as Fai laughed, teasing him for his clumsiness. He came up with strange nicknames that made Kurogane develop a vague desire to punch him in the face, but it was overcome by his want to kiss him instead.

So he did it, when Fai prepared to leave.

His hand snuck behind the blond's back, and before he knew it, he was kissing him, tasting a faint sweetness of vanilla ice cream on his lips. Fai didn't respond at first, and just stood there, surprised but still.

And then he wrapped an arm around Kurogane's neck, and hesitantly kissed him back. And it was better than Kurogane ever imagined it would be.

* * *

They became official after that. Date nights and stolen kisses between classes, hands brushing and shoulders touching whenever they ran into each other in the pearly white halls of the campus. At first, Kurogane wasn't sure how he'd feel to be seen in public with another man, since he never actually left the closet. But when he first saw Fai waving at him from the other end of the hall, he thought,  _'Screw it. They can think whatever.'_  and kissed him right there.

Kurogane would never be able to spot the exact moment he realized he'd rather be with the wonderfully annoying blond than be without him, and he didn't really care. He cherished Fai and he was pretty sure Fai liked him as well, and he was happy with that. For the first time in his life, he was happy.

* * *

Kurogane wasn't your typical young man when it came to libido. Sex was never a major part of his life. Sure, he had the occasional encounters, since he was pretty good looking and didn't have any troubles getting some. But ever since he met Fai, he stopped.

He desired only him. He used to think about it at night, and when he woke up. He tried to imagine how Fai would look like, naked, sprawled over his bed, soft blond bangs falling over his eyes as he would shiver whenever Kurogane touches him. He took long showers, mind filled with images and thoughts about the one man he couldn't get out of his head.

He wanted him.

But Fai never tried to initiate anything but gentle kisses and soft touches, and Kurogane didn't want to push him into something this big before he was ready.

So he just kept silent, and let his desire grow slowly.

* * *

So when one day Kurogane's built up needs finally reached a breaking point, it wasn't much of a surprise.

They were lying on Fai's bed in the dorms after a particularly long day in the campus. Fai's back was pressed against Kurogane's chest, his chin propped on his palm as he adjusted his reading glasses, shuffling through a thick book about the progress of art through history. Kurogane watched him read, one arm draped over Fai's waist as the other lazily played with soft strands of blond hair.

_'So soft,'_  He thought, breath coming out slowly as he stared at the way Fai's lean body curved and pressed against him.

The hand on his waist shifted a little, sneaking under Fai's shirt and towards his waistband.

Fai froze, breath hitching.

"What are you doing." He whispered, not even a question. Kurogane stared at his still shoulder, confused and for some reason, just a tiny bit upset with Fai's reaction. They were dating for months now. Did he not want Kurogane too?

"What does it look like I'm doing?" He growled quietly, a tad harsher than he intended to. Fai didn't move a muscle for a long, long minute. But then he took his reading glasses off and folded them, then shifted away from Kurogane and sat up, his back still turned to him.

"No."

Kurogane sat up as well, the faint irritation he felt before now doubled as he stared at the slender back in front of him, confused, and even though he'd never admit it - hurt. Did that mean Fai wasn't as in love with him as he believed him to be? Kurogane wanted to believe they were perfect for each other, and that Fai felt the same way as he did. Thinking his desire might be one-sided was... heartbreaking.

"What is that supposed to mean?" He asked, some of his frustration seeping into his voice. Fai shifted again, sad blue eyes finding his. There was something in them - regret? Kurogane thought, even more confused than before.

"I can't." He said softly, and at Kurogane's confused glare, he clarified. "Have... sex, that is."

"What do you mean?" Kurogane growled. He couldn't understand. What was this all about? Didn't Fai like him back? Or maybe was it that he was a virgin and that's why he was so worried about it? "If it's because you never had any, you don't have to worry, I won't do anything that-"

"That's not it." Fai cut him off, now turned fully to face Kurogane, troubled blue eyes begging him to understand. "I can't do it. Ever."

"What?"

"I..." Fai tried to find the right words, worrying the inside of his cheek. "I find sex... repulsing. I've never even touched myself, never imagined others." He said, eyes watching Kurogane's expression for any changes. The older man's face was blank. "I never had any... sexual desire, or sexual attraction towards other people, and the mere thought of having someone, you know..." He drifted off, lowering his eyes to stare at his knees, his heart beating fast in his chest. "That doesn't mean I can't feel, or fall in love, because I do love you..." He whispered and pressed a pale hand to his own chest as if pleading Kurogane to see how sincere he was, his voice dropping with every word as the little confidence he had slipped away, and Kurogane froze at the words he'd never heard before. "...I really do. But if sex is what you are looking for with me, then I'm... I'm not the right one." The words broke his heart, the bluest blue eyes Kurogane have ever seen swimming.

Kurogane could only simply stare as Fai's words sunk into his brain. He could not decipher the meaning of it. Will they never be close in that way? Will he never have Fai fully, the way he always imagined it? And if he'd choose to stay with Fai, would that mean he'd never have sex again, ever...? That was a little bit too much to ask, even from someone like him, he thought to himself bitterly, his chest feeling hollow. How is that possible...?

And before he could stop himself, the words flew out.

"I don't know if I can do that."

Blue eyes shot up to look at him, wide and full of hurt and loss. He still dared to hope, despite everything-

"I see." Fai barely whispered.

Weight shifted on the bed, legs falling to the cold floor. Kurogane got up and moved towards the door, his mind still reeling like a train full of explosive material. He needed to think, he needed to get away from there, from those piercing blue eyes that suddenly seemed like they lost their light. He didn't even look back as he opened the door, and just stepped outside, leaving Fai still kneeling on the bed with his head bowed and his shoulders trembling.

And when the door closed behind him, he could still hear the broken, muffled sob that echoed with the same grief in his own heart.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He couldn't fix this, he didn't know how.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to say but thank you for reading :)
> 
> This is a multi-chapter, and there is one more chapter I'm gonna upload by the end of this week.

The first few days after their... break up? - Kurogane didn't really know what to call it, as they never actually said the words - were torture.

Classes were hell to go through, as he was unable to concentrate even the slightest despite his efforts to pay attention. His mind was constantly reeling with messed up thoughts and emotions he never thought he'd feel. And when classes were over, it became worse, because there was nothing to occupy his mind but thoughts of a beautiful blond that would never be his.

Regret was eating away in his heart, his chest hollow and his stomach constantly clenched without any break or relief, however small. He could feel an ever-present pressure behind his eyes, something like a small balloon blocking at the base of his throat and making swallowing too hard for his liking. Kurogane knew this emotion was called grief, sorrow for a lost loved one. But he couldn't remember ever experiencing it before. It was hell.

* * *

He turned around for what he felt like the hundredth time that night, kicking his blanket off only to grope for it a few minutes later and pull it up to his chin. He closed his eyes tightly, but instead of blissful darkness all he could see were blue eyes and a soft smile, blond bangs falling over thin reading glasses, a gentle tilt of head and a wide smile that spread over concentrated face, bright and joyful upon seeing  _him_. That image was a familiar one, a picture he used to see almost every day during the short while of happiness he had with Fai.

No one was ever that happy to see him before, no one have ever looked at him like they favored being with him over anything else.

Not until he met Fai.

He wanted to see him.

He needed to see him.

But how could he? Fai would never take him back. Not after what he'd done to him, the things he said, the way he straight out rejected him when Fai was nothing but honest with him. He hurt him, in the worst way he could think of.

He felt like a complete and total jerk. Why would Fai take him back? He knew he himself wouldn't.

He could still hear that faint, broken-hearted sob echoing in his mind, again and again and again, beating against his skull, haunting his thoughts. His mind was full of distorted images of blue eyes full of hurt and betrayal  _he_  caused,  _his_  fault, slender shoulders shaking in a futile effort to block the tears-

Something wet touched his cheek, and he wiped it away angrily.

He threw the blanket off again and sat up abruptly, running a hand through his short black hair and shutting his eyes tightly, trying to block the thoughts that stormed and wrecked his mind. He let out a low groan, drawing his knees to his chest.

He couldn't do anything to fix this.

Let's say that Fai wouldn't just slam the door in his face, would be even willing to listen... what could Kurogane ever say to make it right? He was never good with words, was never one to apologize or comfort.

He couldn't fix this, he didn't know how.

And what would he say? He wasn't even sure he could accept the fact that Fai would never even-

But he wanted to see him.

His body ached for him, his heart tightening at the mere thought of never having Fai smile at him again with that stupid, annoying nature of his...

He loved him.

The thought hit Kurogane like a train full of bricks, and he froze, eyes staring into the darkness around him without actually seeing, wide and... frightened.

He loved him. He really did.

And he was scared shitless.

 _'Well,'_  Was the first coherent thought Kurogane managed, letting his hand fall onto his knees. ' _That settles it. I'm screwed.'_

* * *

The next day, he skipped his class and went to wait outside of Fai's classroom, leaning himself against the wall next to the closed door, where he could hear the faint, constant rumble of a lecture.

He told himself he'd make Fai listen the minute he comes out through that door. Even though he didn't know how exactly, or what he was even trying to say.

But then the bell rang, and the door opened, and Kurogane's courage flew out of the window and he backed away.

Amongst the flow of students that streamed out that door, he could spot one blond with a lowered head and sad blue eyes.

* * *

This time he would do it.

Kurogane strode forwards with a stern expression that pulled his thin lips into a grim and sour line, his paces long and determined.

This time he would definitely do it.

The stairs to Fai's dorms were never this high, the door never so dark and unwelcoming. It was probably just his guilty mind that was playing tricks, or maybe he really shouldn't have come here. Maybe he should just leave.

But sad blue eyes invaded his mind again, and he couldn't.

He wanted to see them smile again.

So he raised a firm hand, and knocked twice.

* * *

Everything that happened after he found the courage to knock was a haze of blurred, crammed memories Kurogane didn't want to think about much.

He remembered the door opening, and two wide blue eyes staring at him in surprise for a long moment before they softened a little and a quiet mumble demanded to know what he was doing there.

And Kurogane was scared, really, actually scared, for the first time in his life, like many other firsts he experienced since the day he met Fai. And he stumbled over the words, trying to tell Fai everything he was feeling and thinking. He told him how he couldn't stop thinking about him, and how awful he felt, and how angry he was with himself for hurting him. He tried to apologize, and the words stuck in his throat as a new sensation overcame him and he felt that strange moist burning behind his eyes again. All the while, Fai said nothing.

And when Kurogane's knees suddenly weakened as the fear and grief overwhelmed him and sunk him to the ground, he could feel two thin arms wrap around his shoulders and pull him close.

So he rested his head against that lean, hard stomach, eyes fluttering closed and hands reaching up to wound around long thighs.

It would take time, he knew. But eventually, they would be just fine.

* * *

When Kurogane finally graduated that year, they were still together.

He found a small apartment not so far from the campus, and got a nice job at the local art gallery where he hoped to someday display his own photos.

Needless to say the main subject of the pictures he took was a certain blond man with the bluest blue eyes.

Fai became something of a permanent guest in Kurogane's place, and Kurogane - even though he complained a lot and frowned a lot and yelled a lot - was actually very happy with that. Because he'd wake up in the mornings, and sometimes walk into the living room and find a beautiful blond hovering over mountains of papers with his reading glasses nearly slipping off, and whenever he heard his footsteps that beautiful blond would look up and smile at him as if he was the only thing in the world.

And then Fai would typically ruin the moment and greet him with one of the many silly nicknames he made just for him, and Kurogane would keep up the show of snapping back at him with displeased growls and yells - although secretly he really liked that Fai had a special thing he used for him alone - and Fai, in response, would jump to his feet and try to plant a kiss on his cheek and run before Kurogane could catch him.

And Kurogane was actually, truly, very happy with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come visit me at [tumblr](http://tamyourue.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Reviews are food for a writer's soul.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fai chewed at his inner cheek, his heart racing. He was going to say it. He was going to do this. Oh God.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this story is coming to an end. I hope you all liked it and that I did at least a somewhat decent job at the whole thing :) Thanks for reading, reviewing, subscribing and faving!
> 
> Also, I feel I should warn you of a mild sexual content ahead.
> 
> I own nothing.

Sometimes, at the end of the day, Fai would sit on the edge of Kurogane's bed with his back comfortably against all the pillows he stole from him and a thick book in his lap.

On many of those nights, Kurogane tended to take really long showers.

And Fai would stop reading. He'd put the book down and stay quiet, and listen to the faint moans and grunts that echoed inside the streaming water. He'd let out a heavy sigh and draw his knees to his chest, and close his eyes.

However, the moment Kurogane came back out fully clothed and steaming, Fai'd say nothing, and put on another one of those wide plastic smiles and make room for Kurogane to join him on the bed, fully believing he could fool the other with a simple smile and a kiss. And Kurogane would stare for a moment, and then push it aside and say nothing, and kiss him back.

They'd fall asleep like that, limbs tangled and warm skin pressed together, and Fai would sometimes think, while listening quietly to the soft breaths in the dark, that for the man in his arms... this might not be enough.

* * *

So the next time he stayed over, Fai decided he might try something new.

He waited for Kurogane to finish whatever he was doing in the shower, the faint, low moans ever present. But this time Fai didn't curl in on himself, didn't feel that awful guilt. He sat against the headboard, his whole body vibrating with a mix of excitement and fear and dread, like a man about to jump off the edge of a cliff.

He'd never tried anything like that before - the mere thought made his stomach turn and twist with disgust - but this was Kurogane, and Fai loved him.

He anxiously watched the shut door, heavy steps slowly getting closer before it finally opened, allowing steam to pour into the bedroom. Fai took a deep breath, staring at Kurogane's still slightly wet body, nervous blue eyes falling to the towel the other man had wrapped around his waist. Kurogane gave him a strange look, a little bit confused at Fai's odd behavior.

"What?" He grunted, red eyes boring into Fai's.

"I..." Fai started, then shut his mouth again. How was he going to phrase that? It was a very awkward situation for him, not to mention dreadful. He swallowed and tried again, shifting uncomfortably on the edge of the bed. "I want to try something." He finally said. Kurogane eyed him in suspicion.

"Explain." He finally said, squaring his broad shoulders.

Fai chewed at his inner cheek, his heart racing. He was going to say it. He was going to do this. Oh God.

"I want... to please you." He stumbled over the words, blue eyes looking straight into Kurogane's confused ones. "Sexually." He clarified, just in case Kurogane had troubles grasping the meaning.

Apparently he did, judging by the dumbfounded look he gave Fai.

"Huh...?"

Fai sighed. For the love of everything that is holy, he was going to have to spell this out for him.

"Come here," He said, patting his hand on the bed next to him, drawing his legs up onto the bed and crossing them as he leaned forwards a bit. Kurogane complied, his eyes still fixed on Fai in total confusion. Once Kurogane was seated beside him, Fai reached out and placed a gentle hand over Kurogane's bare, still-moist chest.

"I want to hold you while you... you know," Fai said, meaningfully glancing down at Kurogane's towel as pale pink blossomed over his cheeks in embarrassment. Saying things like that felt so awkward, alien. As if it was a scene in a movie and he was not the one saying those words.

Kurogane stared at him with a dumb look for another few, long seconds. And then his eyes widened and his lips parted and he leaned back a little as it finally sunk in.

"What!"

"Yeah," Fai nodded, averting his eyes. Why did Kurogane have to make this even more awkward than it already was? Just saying this was hard enough for him as it is. Fai felt his ears burn, and he wished for the ground to swallow him alive. He was scared shitless - what if he couldn't go through with this after all? What if he disappointed him? What if this wouldn't be enough, what if Kurogane would lose control and make him- Fai stopped there. He wouldn't allow himself to think those things. Kurogane would never do that, he would never make him do something he didn't want to do, no matter how intoxicated or out of control. "I know it's not much, and I wish I could do more than that, but I want to try and do something for you since y-"

"Stop." Kurogane cut him off, apparently back to his senses. He frowned at him, red eyes finding Fai's again with a firm look, burning into his with such intensity that took Fai's breath away. "You don't have to do anything. I don't want you to force yourself to do something you can't, I'm happy having just the way you are " Fai blinked, then smiled gently at him.

"That's the cheesiest thing I've ever heard you say, Kuro-puu." He reached out to brush the tips of his fingers over the other's jaw, his touch like feathers. "And I won't lie to you. It's true I feel no sexual desire towards you, or anyone else, for that matter... honestly, the mere thought disgusts me." He said, and his smile widened as he moved his hand again to place it over Kurogane's arm, rubbing gently over the warm, moist skin. "But I don't want you to have to do it alone. I want to see you pleased, I want to be the one who gets to hold you when you feel good. It'd make me happy." Gentle fingers curled ever so slightly over Kurogane's skin, caressing the drops of water away. "If it's you, Kuro-rin... I think I can stand it." He finally said, smiling brightly.

Kurogane made a low noise at the back of his throat, his frown deepening as he considered the idea. Then he grunted again, dark eyebrows knitting together in a scowl.

"I don't like it." He said firmly. "It still feels wrong to me... it's like I'm, I don't know. Forcing you." He growled quietly, red eyes falling to stare at the pale fingers on his arm. They squeezed.

"But I'm the one initiating it." Fai reasoned, and Kurogane knew without looking he still had that stupid smile on, the one he always wrongly thought could fool Kurogane.

After a long pause in which Fai could almost hear the wheels in his boyfriend's head turn slowly - so slowly, God bless his poor soul, Fai thought as he tried very hard not to snort or mock him for it - Kurogane finally let out a sigh. "Fine." He grunted, firm eyes snapping up to glare into the blond's. "But if you feel like you can't - even in the middle of it - you tell me immediately and I'll finish it myself in the bathroom. Got it?" He warned. Fai's smile grew and brightened, blue eyes shining with excitement and just a hint of anxiety.

That was it. He was going to jump.

Kurogane shifted on the bed to face his partner, his body stiff, his own nervousness reflecting in Fai's jerky movements. The blond reached out a pale hand, the tremble of his fingers almost unnoticeable. He brushed the tips against the knot of the towel around Kurogane's waist, licking his lips briefly and glancing up to meet Kurogane's red eyes with a tight smile. Taking a deep breath, Fai loosened the knot and they both sucked in a sharp breath as the towel dropped to reveal Kurogane's most private parts.

"Are you okay?" Kurogane breathed gruffly, carefully watching Fai's expression. The pale man paled even more, blue eyes wide as he nodded, swallowing hard. "If you want to stop, just say-"

"I'm fine, it's okay." Fai smiled tightly, even though his stomach was starting to feel somewhat hollow, like that strange feeling before a wave of nausea. He shuffled himself onto the bed, piling three pillows against the headboard and sitting up with his back against them, spreading his clothed legs a little and motioning for Kurogane to come closer. "You can lie here," He smiled as his boyfriend crawled closer with a slightly embarrassed expression on his face at his own nakedness. He'd never felt so exposed before, so vulnerable, like he was being judged for something he didn't even know. But he obeyed Fai's instructions and sat himself between Fai's spread legs, his bare back pressed against Fai's crisp shirt. "Perfect." The blond whispered in his ear.

Soft lips pressed against his neck while hesitant hands wrapped themselves around his waist, pale and long fingers sliding against his still moist skin. He shuddered, closing his eyes and letting himself drown in the foreign, wonderful feeling of Fai's hands on him, moving across his chest like they never did before, sensual and... arousing.

He was getting hard quickly enough, his own hands moving to slide over his thighs, a low moan rumbling inside his chest as his fingers closed around his length. He could feel Fai tense behind and around him, and it was like a bucket of ice water. He opened his eyes and let go, pushing himself a little bit farther up and half turning in Fai's embrace to look at the blond. Fai stared back at him with two glassy blue eyes, his lips pressed tightly together. He seemed just a little bit green. Kurogane's heart skipped a beat.

"Fai, we can stop. Let's stop." He said, red eyes serious and concerned. Fai shook his head and closed his eyes for a second, swallowing hard, then opened them again with resolve shinning inside the blue pools.

"I said I'm okay." He smiled again that annoying smile of his, and slid one hand slowly up Kurogane's side to cup the back of his head, pulling him into a gentle, slow kiss, his pale eyelids fluttering closed. His fingers played with the short dark hairs on the back of Kurogane's neck, and he could feel the bigger man trembling ever-so-slightly against him. If he stayed like that, he wouldn't be able to see anything, he thought as he deepened the kiss for Kurogane's sake and heard him gasp against his lips. And if he wouldn't be able to see anything, he thought he could do it. He could pretend nothing was happening but himself making Kurogane happy, and he believed it could work pretty well. So he kept his eyes closed as he pulled a little away from a panting Kurogane, and shifted so Kurogane was lying almost on his side, his naked body pressed flushed against Fai's.

The sudden quickening of Kurogane's breath told Fai - his eyes still closed as he felt it was safer that way - where his hand was again. He heard the low rumble of moans, mixed with pants and uncontrollable shudders as the man tried to choke down his gasps of pleasure. Fai could feel Kurogane move his head to bury his face in his chest, could feel and hear him inhale his scent, and it made him smile. He knew how collected and calm Kurogane usually was, even when relieving himself during his long showers, he never lost control. But now he was a wreck, shaking and making such desperate noises as he pumped himself frantically while wrapped in Fai's arms, looking desperately for relief. And Fai knew he himself was the reason for that amazing pleasure his partner was feeling, and it made his heart flutter with joy and swell with love for the man in his arms.

"Come on, let go." Fai whispered in his ear, warm breath ghosting over Kurogane's skin as soft lips kissed a gentle trail along his neck. A choked cry, surprised and startled, escaped Kurogane's throat as he felt fingers that weren't his own wrap around his length, slowly and hesitantly sliding over the hyper-sensitive skin, trembling. He was close now, his pleasure doubled by the thought of Fai doing this for him, going farther than he ever thought he would.

Just for him.

"F-Fai-" Was all the warning he could manage to give, and it was enough for Fai to snatch his hand away with a shudder before it could be coated with the white, thick liquid.

They stayed like that for a few long minutes, quiet, and the only sound was Kurogane's attempts to catch his breath. Fai kept holding him, delicate, long fingers running through the spikes of his partner's black hair, soothing and calming, trying to mask the slight tremble of his slender body.

"I should clean this up." Kurogane mumbled, his voice gruff and low, his lips moving against shirt that covered Fai's stomach.

"Don't worry about it, I don't really mind the mess." Fai answered, and Kurogane could hear the soft smile in his light voice. His hands were slumped on either side of the blond's waist, all of his energy drained, leaving him feeling warm and more satisfied than he felt in a long time.

"It was amazing."

"I should hope so," Fai laughed, and Kurogane could feel the chest under his ear stutter as he did. Fai's fingers drew patterns across Kurogane's bare back as they both fell into a comfortable silence again, and Kurogane closed his eyes contently, his breathing even and calm.

"Fai?" He finally said after a while, his voice thick with sudden fatigue.

"Hm?"

"Why did you do all of this for me? You didn't have to."

"Well, Kuro-sama," Fai smiled, thin arms tightening around the other and pressing him closer to himself. "That's because I love you. It's inevitable."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say that, it may have been fine with Fai here to compromise and do something that clearly makes him uncomfortable just for Kurogane, but I am in no way wanting to romanticize sacrificing your needs for the sake of someone else's. It is not healthy, and can be damaging. The reason I wrote it this way was for three reasons: A. We all know Fai and his guilty nature and self-sacrificing ways, so I wouldn't put something like this past him. B. I can relate. If I, as a sex-repulsed Asexual, ever find myself in a romantic relationship with a sexual person, I can imagine myself doing something similar for them, even though I know it's not the best idea. C. I wanted to show a different angle. I hope I did okay, and I hope you guys liked it. I'd love to hear what you thought of it. Thank you all, and see ya on the next fic :)

**Author's Note:**

> Come visit me at [tumblr](http://tamyourue.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Reviews are food for a writer's soul.


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